Why is it that buying a gift is always so hard? Why do we all seem to feel this undue pressure to find the most unique and meaningful AND impressive item - all while trying to get it for a price that won’t break the bank? I started wondering if it was society, movies, TV shows, or even magazines that push this perfect gift-giving pressure on us. We may never know, but one thing is for sure, it’s definitely not our friends (at least according to the poll I took from you all on IG). ;)

Here’s some background if you didn’t know already: I took a poll a few weeks back to dig into what you all had to say around gifting, especially in this new age of micro-weddings, virtual bachelorette parties, and video chat baby showers! I asked about everything from gift price ranges to group gifts to gift registries, and you all had such awesome responses. I’ve dropped the responses below in a little Q+A style guide. Don’t forget, if you like this post or found it helpful, drop a little heart at the bottom of the page!

The Gifting Guide

First things first, you really can’t go wrong if you’re giving a gift to someone you love and care about as a friend, family member, or even work colleague. They will know that the gift is coming from your heart, you’ve tried your best, and spent what you thought was fair and reasonable for what you could afford to spend. The good news is, almost 80% of you all who identified as “bride/groom/new mother/new father" said that they did not expect to receive additional gifts above and beyond what is normally done just because they may not be getting the wedding or shower of their dreams.

That should give you a big sigh of relief that more often than not, you’re probably headed down the right path.

Yet still, I feel like one of the most nerve-wracking parts of buying a gift is always the uncertainty around what to spend, be it a wedding, bridal show, or even a birthday party. Let’s see what you all had to say.

should i spend more or less than $100 on a gift:

• Wedding Gift, 57% said more

• Bridal/Wedding Shower Gift, 87% said less

• Baby Shower Gift, 86% said less

Should i buy a bigger gift for my family vs. my friends?

When asked if your level of spending fluctuates based on the person being a friend or family member, a large majority of you said “no, it stays about the same,” although many others did say they spend more on family members.

Now that there isn’t as much travel involved in these bigger life events - at least for the next several months - I asked you all if you would take some of that money you’re saving to contribute back towards the gift. A sweeping majority of you said you’d actually never considered that before, and the rest of the vote was split on giving a little extra vs. not.

What is a pity gift?

I started wondering, what would cause us to feel like we needed to contribute more just because we could. Is it still that nagging sense of worry around purchasing a substantial gift, something we can be proud of ourselves? Then, after hearing from a few of you, it seemed to be stemming from a slight sense of pity. That’s not the sweetest word, but it’s true! Many said they actually felt bad that their friends or family couldn’t have the big special event that they wanted, so this was a small way to hopefully make them feel happier on that day. About 65% of you said you were giving a little extra towards your gift given that your friend or family couldn’t have their dream event. Wow - aren’t y’all the sweetest?

should i spend more on a gift if there is out-of-town travel involved?

No. I thought it was quite interesting that most of you don’t change the price of your gift whether there is out-of-town travel involved or not. It' seems like that $75-$125 range feels comfortable for weddings either way.

Should my date contribute to the cost of the wedding gift?

A large majority of you said you do not expect your date to contribute, especially if you aren’t in a serious, long-term relationship. BUT as the date, most of you always offer to contribute.

For me, it depends if my date knows the bride/groom too. - S

Some who were in longer-term relationships or married confirmed that they just evenly divvy up the gifts no matter what.

We used to handle our gifts separately, but now it all just melds together. - M

Do guests like using wedding registries to purchase a gift?

About 61% of you said absolutely! It takes the stress out of guessing, and for me, it provides an easy solution for last-minute gifts. We’ve all been there - weeks before the event and you completely forget that you still need to buy a gift! Thankfully, the wedding registry is right there waiting for you (although you may be down to slim pickings if you wait too long). ;) Let’s dig into a few more details:

• I buy from the registry + something else, 25% of you confirmed

• I choose my own gift, 12% of you said

• I just give cash, about 2% of you opt for the green

I liked receiving my gifts at the shower before, and cards at the wedding. - A (A 2019 bride)

Do guests like contributing to honeymoon funds?

This was such an interesting area to dig into! Let’s see what you all said when asked if you liked contributing to honeymoon funds or similar money pooling options:

• Sure, whatever the couple wants, said 65%

• No, individual gifts are more meaningful, said 28%

• No, individual gifts are easier, said 7%

While a sweeping majority of you gals said it was all about what the couple wanted, there were many comments that revealed deeper thoughts.

For some, it felt impersonal to give money into a larger bucket, while others wanted to invest in items that the couple could use long-term rather than just on their honeymoon.

I always like feeling like I’m contributing to someone’s future vs. a honeymoon. - L

Others would prefer to have it broken out into excursions so it feels more like a gift rather than just a credit card transaction. I love this idea, and I think it helps meet the best of both worlds if you’re looking into a honeymoon fund. When guests see photos from your sailing excursion or island cooking class, they can have some sense of satisfaction that they were able to contribute to something meaningful - memories that will last a lifetime!

Another great comment was to consider having a few gifts for older folks that might not be up on the new-generation-honeymoon-fund-thing! It sounds kind of funny, but I think it’s such a good point. Grandparents and older aunts and uncles may prefer to purchase something tangible.

Overall, most guests were more than happy to do whatever the couple preferred! While it’s important to try to make your guests feel comfortable, don’t forget, this is YOUR big day or event!

Do I need to bring a gift to a surprise engagement party?

Nearly 60% of you said just to bring something small like a nice card or champagne.

What should I spend on my co-worker’s wedding or baby gift?

It sounds like most of you have a committee at work who helps handle office gifts or team already in the good habit of coordinating something, which is great! Phew.

My team does a mini shower for weddings and babies. We decorate, get lunch, and a group gift. - C

If you don’t have a committee at work, but still think you’re close enough to gift someone something special, here are some guides:

• If you’re going in solo, about $50 is great

• If you’re gathering a group at work to contribute, about $150-200 feels right

That’s a wrap! Thanks again to my IG fam for sharing so many awesome responses. I think it’s so comforting for us all to know this - if there’s one thing that’s true, you aren’t the only one struggling with finding the perfect gift. When in doubt, $75-125 is a great range for wedding gifts, while less than $100 will suffice for a baby gift - and save yourself the hassle, order from the registry! ;)

If there isn’t a registry, you can use this list I made to help you get jump-started on fun ideas.

Happy Gifting!

Arika