In light of recent events around racism and discrimination, I thought it was really important to dedicate a post to the importance of staying vocal. If you’ve been following along on IG, you’ve heard me say “stay vocal” a lot lately. That’s because I truly believe our voice is one of our strongest tools in the fight against racism. Unfortunately, this is nothing new. This is a fight that has gone on for far too long. The recent surge in heightened awareness around systemic racism and unjust crimes against people of color has caused many to recognize the need for change. I made a promise to myself, and to you, to continue to keep the conversation around equality and justice going. I made a promise to send reminders and encourage you to continue on your journey of contributions to the #blacklivesmatter movement. Here is that friendly, but firm reminder:

One of the most impactful things we can do is to have tough conversations at home.

This Father’s Day, I would encourage you to have a conversation with dear ol’ dad. Watches, a new tie, or an upgraded smartphone are all great, but sometimes intangible gifts are the most important of all. Whether you’re on the same page or not, these conversations can still be so eye-opening for both of you. Below are some helpful ways to think about your conversation with dad, the father figure in your life, and even mom too.

The gift of Honesty:

Dad: Hey, how’s it going?

You: Oh, it’s fine! How about you?

PAUSE. Are you really fine? Maybe you are, maybe not.

It might take a little bit of extra encouragement to push yourself out of your comfort zone of typical day-to-day conversation. Once you’re ready, start by sharing your candid, honest thoughts, feelings, and emotions about everything that has occurred in the past few weeks and what impact that has had on you. After hearing someone else share raw, honest thoughts, it makes the other person feel more comfortable sharing their feelings as well.

Are you stressed? Scared for your father? Worried. Confused. Overwhelmed. Angry. Frustrated.

You might be surprised that your dad is sharing the same sentiments, or he might just drop some of that good ol’ dad advice on you. Either way, honesty yields much deeper conversations and a deeper understanding of what that person (who is so close to you) is feeling.

The gift of Undivided Attention:

Put your phone down. *One more time for the people in the back.* Put. your. phone. down. :)

While you’re at it, find a good space and place to have a deeper conversation. It might be taking a walk around your neighborhood, or it could be while you both are cooking dinner together this weekend.

Find a place that feels comfortable and safe for both of you.

The gift of Curiosity:

Ask dad questions - deep, tough, uncomfortable questions. Once you’ve found a safe space and started an honest conversation, dig deeper into your dad’s experiences to get a better understanding of his perspective. Race aside, everyone has unique experiences that make them and shape them into who they are. I bet you’ll be surprised by some of the experiences your dad has had - for both black and non-black fathers. Ask about their upbringing, their perspective, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Here are a few you questions you could ask:

• Who is your role model and why? What would they say about the current events surrounding racism in America?

• Have you ever experienced racism or discrimination? In what ways do you experience privilege?

• Do you believe racism exists in America, and how does that make you feel?

• Do you talk to your friends about racism?

• What (if anything) are you doing to contribute to change? Why or why not?

The gift of Forgiveness:

THIS. I was considering moving this up to the beginning, because it’s important to know that you may not like everything that you hear. Not everyone believes that now is the time for change. This conversation may be tough, uncomfortable, awkward, and just plain to weird to have with your dad. Everyone’s relationships vary and that includes some of the things you talk about. You and dad may have never discussed his views, perspectives, and/or experiences with racism, witnessing it, or living with unacknowledged privilege. Be kind to dad, and be kind to yourself. He may not say everything perfectly, or feel the way you may have thought, but keep in mind that hearing your honest thoughts will have an impact on him.

The gift of Support:

If your dad wants to learn more, help him out! Share all of the positive and informative things you’ve been seeing on social media, send resources, compile an email with links to organizations you’ve learned about, and attach lists of black-owned businesses he can buy from. There have been so many going around online, make sure he knows about them! You can even look up lists of black-owned restaurants in your area to take him to for Father’s Day! Most of all, continue to support each other in conversation with other family members.

The gift of Love:

Finally, the gift of love is the strongest emotion you can feel. This conversation will likely be a little bit easier if you think you and your dad are on the same page. If you’re not, it’s really important to let your dad know that you’re coming from a place of love and a desire to understand his perspective as well as share your own. Whether the conversation is smooth sailing or rocky waters, know that you took a huge step by having a conversation within your own home and your own family first. It’s amazing to see everyone sharing, liking, and reposting on social, but it takes love and encouragement to carry that conversation offline. Our greatest tool is our voice, and continuing the conversation with those you love is so critical to the larger movement. Love conquers all.

I hope this has provided you with exactly what you needed - encouragement, thought-starters, questions, or even a nudge to keep the conversation going. It’s okay if you don’t say the perfect thing. Just say something. With love, honesty, and a willingness to listen, I believe that we can all make important progress through conversation by starting with those closest to us.

Having these conversations take courage, and girl, I think you’ve got it!